Cuckold case files

“Cuckold Case Files” Part One

by c.w. cobblestone

 

SUMMERSVILLE COUNTY PSYCHIATRIC UNIT

CASE NOTES

 

CASE #: 022523-A

PATIENT: Leonard Arnold

DOB: 4/29/XXXX

STAFF: Edna Keener, D/Psy. D

REFERRED BY: Municipal Court/Hargrove

 

February 8

PRE-SESSION CLINICAL NOTES:

Patient is a 46-year-old Caucasian male ordered for treatment by Municipal Court Judge Cynthia L. Hargrove. On Jan. 22, Summersville County Sheriff’s deputies discovered patient naked on Division Street with multiple torso lacerations and a feather-duster inserted into his rectum. Weather conditions were below freezing. Patient claimed a third party had dared him to streak downtown but refused to disclose who had made the dare. Patient also refused to disclose the origin of his injuries. Deputies placed patient under arrest and referred him for psychological evaluation. Following an emergency hearing, Judge Hargrove ordered outpatient treatment in the court’s Second Chance initiative which forgoes criminal charges contingent on successful program completion.

Interview transcript follows:

DR. EDNA: Hello, Leonard. How are you today?

LEONARD: I-I’m okay. Um, how long do these things usually last?”

DR. EDNA: The sessions are an hour. Why?

LEONARD: I-I don’t know. I don’t mean to be rude; it’s just that I’ve got a lot to do at home.

DR. EDNA: Well, why don’t we forget about obligations for a while? Since we’re here already, let’s just relax and chat a bit.

LEONARD: Um, okay. H-how you doing, Doctor … uh …

DR. EDNA: You can call me Dr. Edna. And I’m just fine, Leonard. How are you feeling today?

LEONARD: F-fine, I guess.

DR. EDNA: Well, I’m glad to hear that. Tell me a little about yourself.

LEONARD: Um, I dunno. What’s there to tell? I dunno if there's anything that complicated about me.

DR. EDNA: Why do you say that?

LEONARD: I dunno.

DR. EDNA: Okay. So, what sort of work do you do?

LEONARD: I work in an office. I’m finance director for a large refrigerator company.

DR. EDNA: What’s work like?

LEONARD: It’s okay, I guess. I make good money, and I’ve always had a knack for numbers so the job is actually kind of easy. I’m basically a glorified bookkeeper. I just keep my head down and try to stay busy at work. Nobody really talks to me. People walk right by me and I know they don't see me.

DR. EDNA: Well, that must feel terrible.

LEONARD: I dunno. Kinda.

DR. EDNA: How are things at home? Your file says you’re married?

LEONARD: Er … um, yeah.

DR. EDNA: What’s your wife’s name?

LEONARD: Dawn. Dawn Jankowski. She, uh, she didn’t take my last name. You know, back when we got married.

DR. EDNA: Well, that’s pretty normal. Lots of women keep their maiden names after marriage. How did you feel about it?

LEONARD: About her not taking my last name?

DR. EDNA: Yes.

LEONARD: Um, I dunno.

DR. EDNA: Okay, Leonard. How would you describe your relationship?

LEONARD: With my wife?

DR. EDNA: Yes.

LEONARD: Well, um…it’s kinda … well, it’s a long story. It’s really complicated.

DR. EDNA: We have lots of time. We’re down for as many sessions as we need, Leonard. So, let’s back up a bit. When you were getting married and Dawn said she didn’t want to take your last name, what was that conversation like?

LEONARD: Uh, well, it wasn’t really a conversation. She said she wanted to keep her name and that was that. I didn’t really have a say. In that or anything else.

DR. EDNA: You didn’t have a say? Why not?

LEONARD: Um, we … we don’t have what you’d call a normal marriage.

DR. EDNA: Listen, Leonard, nobody has a normal marriage. Everyone’s different.

LEONARD: Yeah, but I’m talking really, really … you know, not normal.

DR. EDNA: Okay. Tell me about it.

LEONARD: Ugh. Do I have to?

DR. EDNA: Well, I can’t tell the judge that you’ve completed the court’s requirements if you don’t open up to me during these sessions.

LEONARD: And … um, if I don’t, would I go to jail?

DR. EDNA: Quite possibly, yes. Judge Hargrove is pretty lenient with first-time offenders but she doesn’t tolerate defendants who violate her terms. Everything you say to me will be confidential, Leonard, I promise. Unless you pose a threat to yourself or others I’m legally obligated to keep what we talk about in here a secret. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to help you.

LEONARD: Okay. T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: You’re welcome. So, tell me about Dawn. Is she older than you, younger than you?

LEONARD: Younger. She’s 33. We got married when she was 22.

DR. EDNA: And you were how old at the time?

LEONARD: Um, 35.

DR. EDNA: And you say she always gets her way? Was it like that from the beginning?

LEONARD: Oh, yeah. She wants things how she wants them. I mean, there’s a reason she is how she is. She kinda had a messed-up childhood. She was in a pretty bad situation when I met her.

DR. EDNA: How so?

LEONARD: She was still living with her mom in the trailer park. Her mom’s a heroin addict.

DR. EDNA: Oh, well that is a bad situation. How did you meet?

LEONARD: She was a waitress in the restaurant I used to go to.

DR. EDNA: And you asked her out?

LEONARD: Um, well, no, not exactly.

DR. EDNA: No? What happened, then?

LEONARD: Well, her car had conked out and she was worried about how she was gonna get to and from work. I overheard her talking to another waitress about it, and I kind of butted into their conversation and offered to give her a ride every day. She said she thought that was creepy because she didn’t know me enough to get in the car with me. So I offered to let her borrow my car.

DR. EDNA: What did she say?

LEONARD: She said, “hell, yeah.” The other waitress called me a sap but I ignored it. She was always saying rude stuff to me. The other waitress, I mean, not Dawn, although Dawn would always laugh.

DR. EDNA: So Dawn borrowed your car? For how long?

LEONARD: Oh, she never gave it back. I ended up giving it to her. Well, actually, she just kind of kept it. Until I bought her a new one a few months later, anyway.

DR. EDNA: So, then, how did you get around?

LEONARD: Me? I … I took the bus for a while. Then, after a few months she got tired of my car and wanted a new one, so I bought it for her and started using my old one again.

DR. EDNA: Well, that was awfully nice of you. Was she appreciative?

LEONARD: I guess … in her own way. I mean, she never says “thank you” or anything like that. But I can tell when she’s happy. And I think she was pretty happy when I gave her my car; and then really happy when I bought her the BMW.

DR. EDNA: Okay, then. So, tell me how you started dating.

LEONARD: See, that’s the thing: we never really dated. Not the traditional way, anyway.

DR. EDNA: No? So … I don’t understand. How did you date?

LEONARD: She would … well, she’d basically call me when she needed something, and I’d run and do it for her. Like filling up her car with gas, cleaning her place. She’d let me take her out sometimes at first to restaurants and movies she wanted to see, but it’s not like we ever … you know, kissed or anything.

DR. EDNA: So, when did you first kiss her? After you were married?

LEONARD: Um … uh … we never.

DR. EDNA: You’ve never kissed your wife?

LEONARD: I told you: we don’t have a normal relationship. She only let me take her out because I have a good job and could buy her stuff and take her to expensive places. She came right out and told me that. And then when my aunt died and left me some money, she said she wanted to get married. For security, she said, so she’d never end up in a trailer like her mom. So, it’s not love. I mean, I love her — more than anything in the world — but she doesn’t feel the same. Not about me, anyway. Dawn is in love with … with James. Not me.

DR. EDNA: James? Now, who is James?

LEONARD: Um, he’s Dawn’s boyfriend. He, uh, lives with us.

DR. EDNA: Oh?

LEONARD: It’s … embarrassing.

DR. EDNA: As I said, Leonard, I’m not here to judge. Nothing shocks or surprises me. And nobody’s situation is so terrible they have to be ashamed of it. We all find ourselves in circumstances from time to time which we might want to improve or even change completely, but that doesn’t mean we have to be embarrassed. Being embarrassed or ashamed … those are useless emotions that don’t get us anywhere. Okay?

LEONARD: Um, okay.

DR. EDNA: So, how long has James lived with you?

LEONARD: For about three years now. But he’s been with Dawn for 5-6 years.

DR. EDNA: And you’re okay with that?

LEONARD: I told you, I really don’t have a say.

DR. EDNA: But are you okay with it?

LEONARD: I dunno. To be honest, I wish … I wish it could be different, yeah. I do. But it is what it is.

DR. EDNA: So, I’ve got to ask you, Leonard: What are you getting out of this? If you don’t have a say in anything, and your wife loves another man? A wife you haven’t even kissed after years of marriage?

LEONARD: Well, I love her.

DR. EDNA: I know, Leonard, but isn’t love supposed to go both ways? It doesn’t sound like you’re getting much love in this relationship.

LEONARD: I thought you said you weren’t going to judge me. This is how my marriage is. I can’t help it.

DR. EDNA: Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just a bit concerned that your situation at home may have somehow contributed to your legal troubles.

LEONARD: Oh, well, yeah, that’s an understatement.

DR. EDNA: Okay. How so?

LEONARD: Um … because I was being punished.

DR. EDNA: Punished? What do you mean?

LEONARD: That’s why I was out there … you know, naked. With the … the feather duster … um, in me. James was really mad. So he drove me downtown and kicked me out of the car like that in the freezing cold.

DR. EDNA: Why was he so mad?

LEONARD: I … well, my wife was, uh, sleeping … and … I’m sorry, Doctor Edna, this is, like really, really embarrassing.

DR. EDNA: I told you, there’s no need to feel embarrassed, Leonard. If you think you’re going to shock me, you’re not. I’ve been practicing for a long time and I’ve heard just about everything. So … just say it.

LEONARD: Um, well, James … he … he caught me … smelling Dawn’s underwear and staring at her while she was sleeping.

DR. EDNA: Oh. It says in the report here that you were covered in welts but you refused to tell the deputies where they came from. Did James do that?

LEONARD: Yeah. Yes.

DR. EDNA: Listen, Leonard, if you’re being assaulted, you don’t have to tolerate that. We can alert the police—

LEONARD: The police? Oh no, please, Dr. Edna, please no. Dawn would go absolutely crazy. Please, it’s okay if James hits me. It’s totally okay.

DR. EDNA: Why is it okay?

LEONARD: I mean, I don’t have any other choice, not if I want Dawn in my life. If they want me punished, well … I just have to deal with it and try to be a better servant.

DR. EDNA: A servant?

LEONARD: Well, yeah. That’s what Dawn and James say my job is. They say that’s the only way I’m any good to them. The only reason they let me stay.

DR. EDNA: And you’re okay with this arrangement?

LEONARD: Yes, it’s how Dawn wants it.

DR. EDNA: What about what you want, Leonard?

LEONARD: I want my wife to be happy.

DR. EDNA: Fair enough. But are you happy?

LEONARD: Um … uh … I don’t know. Sometimes, I do wish things could be different, to be honest.

DR. EDNA: Different? How so?

LEONARD: I mean, I don’t want to whine, or anything … but I’d like to be in a regular relationship, where I get to kiss my own wife, and … and, well, you know, make love to her and stuff. Or just to sit and watch TV together. Instead of doing chores all the damn time. Sorry, excuse my language.

DR. EDNA: That’s okay, you can say what you want in here. Listen, Leonard, it’s perfectly normal for you to want these things, like intimacy and affection, and, yes, sex. Have you ever approached Dawn about it?

LEONARD: Oh, gawd, no. Ask her to kiss me? Have … sex? Are you kidding me? You’re talking suicide. James would kill me. If you think throwing me out of the car naked in the freezing cold was bad—

DR. EDNA: Listen, Leonard, I’ll be honest, I’m concerned that you’re being assaulted and taken advantage of here. I’m wondering if the police shouldn’t get involved.

LEONARD: No, please, I’m telling you it’s consensual, Doctor. You can’t call the cops if it’s consensual … can you?

DR. EDNA: No, I can’t, Leonard, but I’m not convinced this is consensual. I’ve had patients who are into S&M, or swinging, but this doesn’t sound like—

LEONARD: No, Doctor, that’s it — we’re into swinging and S&M. Write that down. S&M and swinging. There’s no abuse or assaults going on. It’s all just games we play. Sex games. Please don’t call the cops. Please, I’m begging you.

DR. EDNA: Okay. For now, we’ll put this down as consensual. But if there’s any time you ever want to talk about it, I’m always here.

LEONARD: Thanks.

DR. EDNA: So, let’s get back to your home situation. James lives with you; what are the sleeping arrangements?

LEONARD: Well, Dawn and James sleep in the master bedroom, obviously.

DR. EDNA: Why is that obvious?

LEONARD: I dunno .. because … well, they wouldn’t even think of having me in their bedroom. I mean, I sleep on the floor in there sometimes, if they fall asleep without telling me to go. But my room is in the basement.

DR. EDNA: Okay. And you say you do a lot of chores?

LEONARD: All of them.

DR. EDNA: Is that why you said when we first started today that you had a lot to do at home?

LEONARD: Yeah. If I don’t stay on top of the housework, it really piles up, and then Dawn gets mad.

DR. EDNA: So, you get no help from Dawn or James with work around the house?

LEONARD: Oh, man, no. I can’t even imagine Dawn or James doing housework. She hasn’t washed a dish or a load of clothes since day one. And he just makes messes everywhere. They’re lucky they have me or they’d be living in a pigsty. It’s usually pretty bad by the time I get home from work.

DR. EDNA: Does James work?

LEONARD: No.

DR. EDNA: So, you’re supporting both him and Dawn?

LEONARD: Right.

DR. EDNA: How did James come to live with you?

LEONARD: Um, I dunno … I mean, one day they just told me he’d be moving in. They had me rent a U-Haul and move everything myself. I packed everything in his apartment, loaded it on the truck, and then unpacked it at home. All by myself.

DR. EDNA: Wow, that must’ve been really difficult.

LEONARD: Yeah, I was exhausted by the time I got done. I couldn’t move the next day.

DR. EDNA: That’s not what I mean. How did it affect you emotionally, moving his things into your home?

LEONARD: It made me sad. And kind of mad, to be honest. He and Dawn laid on the couch all day binge-watching their shows while I was killing myself. And I had to be quiet when I was carrying his stuff in, too, because they said I was making too much noise. The hardest part was unpacking, though. I started crying when I put his clothes in the closet, and the toothbrush and stuff. That kinda made it permanent, you know?

DR. EDNA: Yes, I imagine that was hard. So, tell me about James. Does he whip you very often?

LEONARD: Um, yeah … well, not as much as he used to, actually. He did it a lot when he first moved in. I think he was trying to show who was boss, and he had me bending over 2-3 times a day sometimes. Every single day. I could hardly sit down at work. Now, it’s way better; he only beats me maybe once, twice a week or so, and usually only if I’ve done something wrong.

DR. EDNA: Usually? Are you ever beaten if you haven’t done anything wrong?

LEONARD: Oh, yeah, it happens. They don’t need a reason. Sometimes, if they’re in a bad mood I’ll be whipped even if I didn’t do anything. A few years ago, when the Chiefs lost the Super Bowl, James was so mad … I got 100 strokes that night.

DR. EDNA: What does he use to whip you?

LEONARD: It’s a cane. A fiberglass cane. It really hurts a lot.

DR. EDNA: How about Dawn? Does she ever whip you?

LEONARD: Sometimes, if James isn’t around and she’s really mad. But she likes him to do it. She gets turned on by it, to tell the truth. Like, really turned on.

DR. EDNA: She does?

LEONARD: Yeah. And … well, this might sound stupid, but in a way, I feel like I’m being a part of her … you know, her sex life. I wish it could be the regular way — you know, like James does, making love and kissing and stuff — but at least there’s something about me that turns her on. Even if it’s watching James beat me. It’s … something.

DR. EDNA: I can see that gives you some measure of comfort.

LEONARD: It does.

DR. EDNA: Well, Leonard, our time is just about up. It was nice meeting you, and I look forward to seeing you again. I’m going to prescribe you some Xanax to hopefully help you with those bad feelings. Remember, there’s no need to be ashamed about anything, even if it’s a situation you eventually may want to change.

LEONARD: Oh, no, I don’t want to change. Not if it means I can’t have Dawn in my life.

DR. EDNA: I understand, Leonard. I’ll see you next week.

End transcript.

POST-SESSION CLINICAL NOTES:

Patient is in an abusive relationship with his wife and her live-in boyfriend. Patient claims the abuse is part of a consensual swinging/BDSM relationship, although that appears to be a ruse to avoid police involvement. Patient doesn’t seem to enjoy the abuse but feels he must endure it in order to continue a relationship with his wife. Patient appears to be suffering from multiple pathologies which will be explored in future sessions.

PRESCRIPTIONS: Alprazolam 0.5 mg

EK/cw

“Cuckold Case Files” Part Two

by c.w. cobblestone

CASE #: 022523-A

PATIENT: Leonard Arnold

DOB: 4/29/XXXX

STAFF: Edna Keener, D/Psy. D

REFERRED BY: Municipal Court/Hargrove

 

February 15

PRE-SESSION CLINICAL NOTES:

Patient suffers from multiple issues including personality disorder, neurosis, depression and idealization of his wife. It is my belief that patient is being taken advantage of and physically harmed by his wife and her boyfriend although patient insists he consents to the exploitation and punishment.

PRE-SESSION ACTION PLAN:

Watch for further signs of abuse that could trigger an automatic law enforcement response independent of patient’s permission. Patient was prescribed Alprazolam 0.5 mg at initial session. Monitor drug’s effects, adjust dosage accordingly.

Interview transcript follows:

DR. EDNA: Oh. My. Hello, Leonard.

LEONARD: Um … hi. You’re probably wondering—

DR. EDNA: Well, yes. I see you’re dressed … a bit differently this time.

LEONARD: Uh, I … I’m coming out. This is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Coming out?

LEONARD: As a … a trans. Transgender. I’m coming out. It’s who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Oh? Well … congratulations, Leonard. Um, when did you make this decision? To come out?

LEONARD: Uh, about a week ago?

DR. EDNA: After our session?

LEONARD: Um, yeah.

DR. EDNA: Leonard, have you always felt like this? That you’re transgendered, I mean. You didn’t mention it last time.

LEONARD: Oh, well … I was … I didn’t want to tell you. But now I want to come out as a trans person because, uh, this is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: When did you first start having these feelings?

LEONARD: I-I think I was, like … two?

DR. EDNA: Two? That seems young.

LEONARD: Um, I mean, maybe five? Six? It … I don’t remember exactly. It’s just who I am inside. Since as long as I can remember, you know. I just felt like I was a trans person … inside. From when I was a kid. Real little. I want to come out as a trans person now, finally, because … um, this is who I am … uh, inside.

DR. EDNA: Leonard, I’ve got to be honest with you, it sounds like you’re reciting a script. Is this really something that you’re feeling … or are James and Dawn making you do this?

LEONARD: I … uh …

DR. EDNA: Please be honest with me, Leonard.

LEONARD: Um … well, they did … uh, no. No, Dr. Edna. This really is who I am inside. I want to come out as a trans person. And that means you can’t discriminate against me or call the police. Because I’m trans.

DR. EDNA: Oh. Now I see.

LEONARD: Are you gonna call the cops?

DR. EDNA: Why are you so worried about that? You said last time that Dawn would be mad if the police were to do a wellness check at your home. Why?

LEONARD: She hates cops. So does James. OMG, does he hate cops.

DR. EDNA: Is that it?

LEONARD: Is what it?

DR. EDNA: Is that the only reason you don’t want me calling the police?

LEONARD: Look, Dr. Edna … I don’t expect you to understand. I told you before, we don’t have a normal marriage. Yeah, I have to put up with some things … getting the whippings … and now having to be a sissy—

DR. EDNA: A sissy? That’s no way to talk about yourself, Leonard.

LEONARD: That’s what I am, isn’t it? A sissy? Look at me.

DR. EDNA: Well … I’m not—

LEONARD: Listen, Dr. Edna, I don’t know why we even have to keep doing this. Dawn and James are really mad that I’m not home to serve them, and they don’t like me coming here telling you what goes on in our house.

DR. EDNA: If this is a consensual lifestyle for you all, and nobody’s being forced to do anything, there should be nothing to hide. Lots of people live in alternative relationships.

LEONARD: They say it’s none of your … effing business. Excuse my language.

DR. EDNA: Well, Leonard, Dawn and James need to understand that unless you work with me in these sessions you won’t complete the program, and you’ll likely be facing the original criminal sexual misconduct charge, along with contempt of court for lack of cooperation during the psychological evaluation.

LEONARD: I did try to tell them. They won’t listen.

DR. EDNA: Well, Leonard, I’m trying to—

LEONARD: I mean, what difference does it make for me to sit in here and complain for an hour, anyway? I’ve got a shitty life, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’m a sap because I let my wife walk all over me. Okay? And now I have to go through this … this … complete embarrassment. It’s a nightmare.

DR. EDNA: What are you talking about? What embarrassment?

LEONARD: This. These clothes. Coming out. At work. (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay, Leonard. Here, take a drink of water.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA. You’re welcome. Now, tell me about it. Coming out at work.

LEONARD: I-I came in the first day wearing a dress and … everyone died laughing. They thought it was some kind of joke — until I told them I was coming out as a trans person and they all stopped laughing right quick. James was right.

DR. EDNA: Right about what?

LEONARD: Um … well trans people are kinda protected. Everyone tries not to offend them. If not, they file a lawsuit.

DR. EDNA: And this is what James says?

LEONARD: Yeah.

DR. EDNA: So, he made you come out as a transgender so I’d be reluctant to call the police because I’d be afraid you’d sue me?

LEONARD: I … I … he … no. No. I made the decision to come out as a trans person, Dr. Edna. This is who I am inside.

DR. EDNA: Okay. Do you have a female name?

LEONARD: Um … I …

DR. EDNA: It’s fine. We can use whatever name you’d like. I just want you to feel comfortable.

LEONARD: It’s … like, really embarrassing.

DR. EDNA: Now, Leonard, we’ve talked about this. There’s no reason to be embarrassed.

LEONARD: There’s not? Can you see how I’m dressed? All this makeup? I look ridiculous. (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay Leonard. Here’s a tissue.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: You’re welcome.

LEONARD: Um, it’s Faggetta.

DR. EDNA: What’s that, Leonard?

LEONARD: My … um, my name. It’s … uh, Faggetta.

DR. EDNA: Hm. Okay. I see. Okay. Um, do … do you want me to address you as Faggetta?

LEONARD: Oh, no, please don’t.

DR. EDNA: Okay, whatever makes you comfortable. We’ll just keep on calling you Leonard, okay?

LEONARD: Thank you. Um, Dr. Edna … can I … ask you something?

DR. EDNA: Of course you may.

LEONARD: Uh … you’re 100% sure there’s no way anyone could … you know, ever read all that stuff you’re writing down?

DR. EDNA: Of course not. Why?

LEONARD: I-I don’t know. I just want to make sure, that’s all.

DR. EDNA: Well, I told you, everything we talk about in here will be kept private — unless I think you’re a harm to yourself or others.

LEONARD: Okay, thank you. I just … I hate this, Dr. Edna. Dressing like this. I hate it. It’s so embarrassing … and the name … I have to go downtown and officially change it. (crying)

DR. EDNA: Leonard, it’s okay. Just tell me how this all came about.

LEONARD: It … it was the night after our first session. James and Dawn badgered me, wanting to know what all we talked about in here.

DR. EDNA: And you told them I’d mentioned possibly calling the police.

LEONARD: Yes. And I got whipped pretty bad for it, too — 100 strokes. They said I was running my mouth when I shouldn’t have. James has a felony on his record; he doesn’t want anything to do with cops.

DR. EDNA: What was the felony?

LEONARD: Armed robbery. He did five years. He used to run with a pretty rough crowd although after he went to prison he kind of mellowed out, at least with the criminal stuff. Every now and then he’ll have his old friends come over to hang out. Man, they absolutely trash the place. It takes days to clean up after them sometimes. I’m just happy if they’re gone by the time I get home from work.

DR. EDNA: Why is that?

LEONARD: OMG, they’re so mean to me. They … I … I don’t even want to talk about it. Is that okay?

DR. EDNA: That’s fine, Leonard. You were telling me about deciding to come out as transgendered.

LEONARD: Oh, yeah, it was after our session and I told them what you said about calling the cops. James hit the roof. Obviously.

DR. EDNA: You said he gave you 100 strokes? I’m so sorry to hear that.

LEONARD: It’s okay. It’s consensual, Dr. Edna. I promise. This is … this is how I want to live.

DR. EDNA: But you said you hated it.

LEONARD: I … I … (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay. Just tell me about it. I’m here to listen.

LEONARD: I do hate it, Dr. Edna, but I can’t live without Dawn. Okay? I just can’t. So if they tell me I have to be a sissy from now on, then … well, I guess I just have to do it. I have to. I know it probably isn’t the best thing for me, you know, psychologically. I know this. But I love her. I really do. She’s literally everything to me. If I didn’t have her in my life, I honestly wouldn’t see the point in …

DR. EDNA: Wouldn’t see the point in what? In living?

LEONARD: No, no. I’m not talking about suicide. Please don’t call—

DR. EDNA: Leonard, relax, I’m not going to call the police. Just tell me how you feel about everything that’s happened to you since we last saw each other.

LEONARD: I … I just … (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay, Leonard. Here’s another tissue.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: Now, tell me more about this conversation you had with Dawn and James about coming out as transgendered. I know you say you made the decision yourself. But what, exactly, happened?

LEONARD: Well, after James beat me, um … he and Dawn went to the bedroom for a while. They do that a lot after my punishments. I told you before, Dawn really gets …it really excites her. Anyway, I guess they came up with the idea while they were laying in bed after they were done having … uh, after they were finished in there. They called me to bring them drinks and just kinda dropped the news on me.

DR. EDNA: How so? What did they say?

LEONARD: Well, James said everyone’s scared to offend transgendered people, and that I could sue you for discrimination if you called the cops, so they turned me into a sissy. He said he had a sissy in prison who used to wash his clothes and run errands and stuff for him.

DR. EDNA: Did James have a sexual relationship with this inmate?

LEONARD: Um, y-yes. He did. Kinda. You know … he had to do … things.

DR. EDNA: And, Leonard … do you have a sexual relationship with James?

LEONARD: I-I … please … (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay, Leonard. Here’s some more water.

LEONARD: T-thank you.

DR. EDNA: Okay, now. Tell me about it. It’s all right, Leonard.

LEONARD: Yes, he … he makes me do … stuff. Oral. Especially … you know, after he and Dawn … um … after they’re done. Sometimes they have me … um, clean them. And then, last week … the first time I dressed as a woman … he … he … (crying)

DR. EDNA: It’s okay, Leonard. Breathe.

LEONARD: I-I’m sorry. I just … it hurt so bad. And with Dawn watching … and laughing. I felt like dying. I really did.

DR. EDNA: Are you saying James raped you, Leonard?

LEONARD: Y-yes, he— wait, I mean no. No. It wasn’t rape. I went along with it. It was consensual, Dr. Edna, I swear. It was.

DR. EDNA: Er, okay, Leonard. I can only go by what you’re telling me. But you don’t seem too happy about all this.

LEONARD: Well, I’m not. I hate it. (crying) And they say I have to be like this from now on.

DR. EDNA: What do you mean?

LEONARD: At first, they were just gonna make me dress up for these sessions. But now Dawn wants to make it permanent. She told me I was useless as a man anyway, and when she saw me all dressed up she said this is who I was meant to be. A sissy. She wants me to get breast implants and everything. She’s the one who came up with the name.

DR. EDNA: And you say you’re going to legally get it changed?

LEONARD: Er … yeah, I have to … have to go down to the Municipal Center on my lunch hour Monday and fill out the paperwork.

DR. EDNA: Are you sure this is something you want to do?

LEONARD: That’s what I’m saying: I don’t want to do it, Dr. Edna. I hate it. (crying)

DR. EDNA: But … you want to keep Dawn in your life. So you do whatever she tells you. No matter how much anguish it’s causing you.

LEONARD: Y-yeah. I love her. I can’t help it. I know what you think. I know you think I’m weak.

DR. EDNA: I don’t think you’re weak at all, Leonard, but I can see you’re in a lot of pain.

LEONARD: I am. (crying)

DR. EDNA: Okay, Leonard. I guess, then, since your love for Dawn has put you in a situation you hate, but it’s a situation you don’t want to get out of, I think we first need to figure out the best way to help you deal with all this. Did you take the Xanax I prescribed?

LEONARD: Yeah, I took one and it made me really tired, and I had a hard time finishing my housework. Now, I just take them before I go to bed. They help me sleep.

DR. EDNA: Okay, I’m going to prescribe you some Zoloft, then. Perhaps that won’t make you quite as drowsy. You need to take this medication during the day, Leonard; it’s not a sleep aid. The idea is to help you manage these feelings of depression.

LEONARD: I-I hope they work. I do feel depressed a lot.

DR. EDNA: I understand. It’s okay.

LEONARD: T-thanks. Can … can I tell you something?

DR. EDNA: Of course.

LEONARD: I … well, I feel like it’s my destiny or something … you know, to have to live this way. I grew up … my mom used to mess around on my dad all the time, right under his nose. She’d get all dressed up and go out 3-4 nights a week. Guys would come pick her up at the house. And then they’d come back at 3 in the morning and sit parked in the driveway for an hour. Or sometimes they’d come in the house. I could hear them down in the rec room. My dad, my sister … everyone knew what was going on. We just didn’t talk about it. My mom treated my dad pretty much how Dawn treats me. You know, mean. She was never happy with anything he did. So … it’s like it was written in the stars or something. It’s heredity. This is how my life is supposed to be.

DR. EDNA: Listen, Leonard, no matter what situation you grew up in, nobody’s destiny is predetermined. Perhaps your childhood experiences shaped your current circumstances, and it certainly sounds like they did play a major role. We can explore your upbringing as we move forward in our sessions. But, please, never forget — you’re not destined to live in any situation you’re not happy with. You can always change.

LEONARD: I dunno. I think I disagree with you there, Dr. Edna. I think some things are just meant to be. Like Dawn. I can’t help how much I’m in love with her. I just am. Every time I even think of her leaving me, I get this panic feeling in my stomach. I’m getting it now just talking about it.

DR. EDNA: Well, we are going help you find ways to deal with all that. Is that okay?

LEONARD: Yes. I appreciate it.

DR. EDNA: And you can tell Dawn and James that I’m not calling the police. Although I was wondering whether we might do a family therapy session sometime in the future, where I could talk to the three of you.

LEONARD: Y-you mean Dawn and James … come here?

DR. EDNA: Yes.

LEONARD: OMG, no way. Please, please, Dr. Edna, that might be worse than calling the police.

DR. EDNA: Why’s that?

LEONARD: I … uh … like I said, they hate me coming down here. They want me to get all this over with as quick as possible. And … um …

DR. EDNA: What is it, Leonard?

LEONARD: Um … are you sure nobody will ever read your notes?

DR. EDNA: No, I promise. It’s completely confidential.

LEONARD: Um, okay. Uh, well, Dawn and James aren’t … well, they aren’t exactly very smart, Doctor. They don’t trust psychologists, or anyone, for that matter. They think everything’s a big conspiracy. They’d never come in here to talk to you.

DR. EDNA: They would if I had the court order them to. Otherwise, you’d be charged with the original crime.

LEONARD: Oh, please, Dr. Edna, don’t do that, I’m begging you. I would be whipped so bad.

DR. EDNA: We’ll see. We’re not there yet. My number one focus right now is to make you feel better about yourself.

LEONARD: Well, if you make them come into one of these sessions, I won’t be able to sit down for a week, and that sure won’t make me feel better about myself.

DR. EDNA: Alright, Leonard, let’s just move on from that. This isn’t something that’s imminent, anyway; I was just thinking that it might be something worth exploring down the road. There’s no need to worry about it now.

LEONARD: Okay. Thank you. You had me scared for a minute there.

DR. EDNA: You feel scared a lot, don’t you, Leonard?

LEONARD: Uh, yeah, I do. All the time.

DR. EDNA: Tell me some of the things you’re scared about.

LEONARD: Gee, where do I start? Scared Dawn will leave me, of course. Scared James will get mad and whip me. Scared of James … doing that to me again … um … the anal sex. Uh … scared I’ll come home from work and see his friends’ cars parked in front of the house, and scared of what … what they’ll do to me. And now, I’m scared of having to go back to work every day wearing … wearing a dress. My boss asked me if I wanted a new name plate; I think he was relieved that I didn’t want to put “Faggetta Arnold” on my desk.

DR. EDNA: Is that what people call you at work?

LEONARD: No, they call me Ms. Arnold, thank goodness.

DR. EDNA: Now, you were saying Dawn and James aren’t … aren’t very smart?

LEONARD: Well, no, not really. I mean, I don’t want to sound like a snob or anything. But neither one of them finished high school. I don’t even think James started high school. All they do is sit around smoking weed all day … and making messes for me to clean up.

DR. EDNA: Is Dawn very pretty?

LEONARD: OMG, yes. She’s like a … like a perfect princess. An angel. She could’ve been a model. Well, except … you know, her breasts are kinda big, and those models are all flat-chested.

DR. EDNA: Not all of them are.

LEONARD: Well, that’s what Dawn says, anyway. She went to an audition for a toothpaste commercial when she was in junior high but she said they picked a darkhaired girl instead. Dawn was a lot prettier than that girl. She got totally screwed.

DR. EDNA: Oh, how did you know her?

LEONARD: Who?

DR. EDNA: The darkhaired girl. You said Dawn was a lot prettier than her. You said this happened in junior high school, before you met Dawn. Did you see a picture of this darkhaired girl or something?

LEONARD: Oh, no, I … I was just saying what Dawn told me. And I’m sure she was a lot prettier, because nobody is prettier than Dawn. Whoever picked that stupid darkhaired girl must’ve been crazy. Or blind.

DR. EDNA: Oh, okay. I can tell you have very strong feelings for your wife.

LEONARD: Dr. Edna, I just don’t know what I’d do without her. I know she treats me … well, from the outside, I can see how it would look pretty bad. But this is how it turned out. We don’t always get to have the kind of life we want. Yeah, I wish things could be different. But they never will be. So I take what I can get. Does that make me a sap?

DR. EDNA: No, Leonard, of course not. You’re just—

LEONARD: I’m just a wimp who lets his wife and her boyfriend shit all over him. Sorry about my language.

DR. EDNA: It’s okay, Leonard. Is that how you see yourself? A wimp?

LEONARD: Well … yeah. Look at me. Look at what they made me wear. What do you think? Do I look like a wimp?

DR. EDNA: You’re not a wimp, Leonard, and you’re not a sap just because you would do anything for your wife.

LEONARD: Oh, Doctor, I really would. Do anything.

DR. EDNA: I can see that. Well, Leonard, looks like our time is up. It’s been nice chatting with you. Go to the front desk and your Zoloft prescription order will be ready in just a few minutes. Make sure you fill it.

LEONARD: Okay.

DR. EDNA: And make sure you take it.

LEONARD: I will.

DR. EDNA: And, listen, Leonard, you know you don’t have to share everything we discuss in here with Dawn and James. In fact, I’d prefer you didn’t.

LEONARD: You want me to lie to them? OMG, that’s crazy.

DR. EDNA: No, don’t lie. But you are allowed to keep some things to yourself.

LEONARD: But if they found out—

DR. EDNA: How would they find out if you don’t tell them? I’m bound by the ethics of my profession to keep what you reveal a secret, unless—

LEONARD: Unless I’m a danger to myself or others. I know that. But I’m not. A danger, I mean.

DR. EDNA: I know you’re not, Leonard. You take care, and we’ll see you again next time.

End transcript.

POST-SESSION CLINICAL NOTES:

Patient claims he has decided to come out as transgendered but this ruse clearly is at the behest of his wife and her boyfriend, based on their assumption that it would be easier for patient to win a lawsuit claiming LGBTQ harassment if police involvement were ordered. Patient’s depression has worsened based on his current circumstance. He does not like dressing as a woman and finds it highly embarrassing. Patient’s ruffled pink dress and heavy makeup were an obvious effort by his tormenters to make him appear as ridiculous as possible, as is the humiliating name his wife picked out for him, Faggetta. However, there’s no legal justification at this point for police involvement, because patient insists the abuse he’s forced to endure is consensual and it is my belief that he would never press charges under any circumstances. Immediate focus should be on helping patient navigate his depression.

PRESCRIPTIONS: Sertraline 100 mg

EK/cw